Brenda Daly Launches “I Got Up”

After losing her son Kevin, Brenda Daly found herself on the floor cutting out pictures from magazines and setting them on a blank page, the torn-out pieces and shades of dark reflecting the depths of her grief. Her life had shattered into a million pieces. Brenda’s world would have to be glued back together, piece by piece, never to return to its original form. Much like the Japanese art of Kintsugi, she would repair her broken pieces with gold, incorporate them into her life, and render a beautifully unique new design. Brenda would honor her grief and the beauty of her life with Kevin. Step by step, she would heal her broken pieces, get off the floor, and step forward to create a new chapter. Loving Kevin would become an integral part of her journey, and her life would be as unique and beautiful as Kintsugi’s art.

Brenda’s new book, I Got Up, is available on Amazon on July 18th. On Launch Day, July 18th, the ebook will be just 99 cents!

I Got Up Book Cover

Stories of overcoming the unfathomable are meant to be shared; they help us, inspire us, and are a testament to the strong and resilient human spirit. Brenda’s book, I Got Up, recounts the love story between mom and son, their unique circumstances, and the complexities in dealing with substance use and a traumatic brain injury. It is a testament to a mother’s enduring love and one that conveys that larger human spirit.

Brenda and Kevin

Many of us draw strength from learning from another’s story, as this author does, and Brenda hopes others will, too. “Helping others is how I help myself. I got up. I never thought I’d get up again. It was mind-blowing that I was functioning at all. I wanted to share that hope with others facing challenging circumstances.”

Brenda recounts how she came to know about the Herren Project. Kevin played sports and followed Chris Herren’s basketball career. He read his book Basketball Junkie when it came out. He attended two talks. At one of them, Kevin had the opportunity to pull Chris aside afterward and advocate for a friend who needed help. Chris helped the friend get into treatment.

Chris and Kevin

When people tell their stories, receptive ears may hear. Chris’ story landed on the receptive ears of Brenda’s son, Kevin Haydukovich, a man who needed a role model. “He had a father hunger all his life.” The absence of a steady father role model probably played a huge role in Kevin’s subconscious self-medication to heal the wound. Kevin’s issue was alcohol, and it was chronic despite long periods of abstinence. He had a genetic predisposition to addiction on both sides.

One day, under the influence of alcohol, Kevin suffered an accident, falling from a truck, which resulted in a brain hemorrhage and it would alter Kevin’s life. He was now permanently disabled with traumatic brain injury, a very invisible disability, but with cognitive limitations that few could understand and that only fed issues of low self-esteem. Plus, he now had a condition of chronic pain along with substance use disorder.

It was pain that led Kevin to take a pill he thought was for pain, but it would be fatal. It was an accidental poisoning by someone dependent on pain medication for a legitimate condition of chronic pain. Kevin tried to beat the pain and go without the medication, but his insurance would not cover alternatives to pain pills. This was before the No Pain Act and the good work of Voices for Non-Opioid Choices, which Herren Project supports as a coalition member. Sadly, Kevin took a pill from a friend when the pain got unbearable.

Brenda wants to raise awareness and fight stigma.

The face of addiction changed with Fentanyl. Kids are dying, and it could be for any number of reasons. I did not bury a drunk, an addict, or a person who made poor moral choices. I buried a son whom I adored, whom I loved deeply and had a deep connection with, who I treasured, and who was a special, important person in my life. Losing that attachment is what I grieve.

As for wishes, Brenda has no regrets about how she parented her son. A social worker by profession, she was all about expressing feelings, and the two had a close bond. What was missing from Kevin’s life was the consistent support of a male role model. She wished for a mentorship program for her son or a coach who stood up to take him under his wing. “We need people to stand as role models, especially for those who are vulnerable.”

Calling all coaches, mentors, and peer support specialists: we need YOU!

Brenda also wishes that Kevin had received person-centered care for his traumatic brain injury, substance use, and pain management. In Australia, there is a team approach and coordinated care. We would be wise to follow this type of model in approaching complicated cases like those with TBI or those with chronic pain.

A need for coordinated, patient-centered care

Brenda has donated to Herren Project recovery scholarships for five years and has helped over a dozen people find peer support and stable housing in Kevin’s name. She’s glad about it, and Herren Project celebrates her accomplishment in publishing I Got Up and making art from her experience.

Brenda’s new book, I Got Up, is available on Amazon on July 18th. On Launch Day, July 18th, the ebook will be just 99 cents! You may purchase I Got Up on Amazon.

Follow Brenda’s lead and support Herren Project.