Supporting Loved Ones with Substance Use Disorder: How Families Can Hope and Heal

Supporting Loved Ones with Substance Use Disorder: How Families Can Hope and Heal

by Herren Project’s Clinical Director, Kristin Young

Substance Use Disorder (SUD) is a complex and challenging disorder that affects the person struggling and anyone who loves them. It can be heartbreaking and overwhelming when someone we love is caught in an addiction to a substance(s). In the beginning, it is likely that the person isn’t ready to make changes or accept help. Often, they do not believe they have a problem despite the consequences they’re facing. Families don’t know where to start and may feel lost and alone. In this blog, we will explore the journey of supporting loved ones with SUD, including understanding the disorder as a disease, offering helpful support, seeking professional help, and finding hope and healing in the process.

Understanding Substance Use Disorder

It’s essential to understand what Substance Use Disorder is. SUD, previously referred to as addiction, is a chronic brain disease characterized by the compulsive use of substances despite harmful consequences. It can affect anyone, regardless of age, gender, or socioeconomic status.

The key features of SUD include:

• Loss of Control: Individuals with SUD often finds it difficult to control their substance use. They may want to stop or reduce their use but struggle to do so.
• Cravings: Cravings for the substance can be intense and overpowering, making it hard to resist using.
• Negative Consequences: Substance use often leads to various negative consequences, such as health problems, strained relationships, legal issues, and financial difficulties.
• Tolerance: Over time, individuals with SUD may need increasing amounts of the substance to achieve the desired effect, which can lead to a dangerous cycle of escalating use.
• Withdrawal: When they try to stop using, individuals with SUD may experience withdrawal symptoms, which can be physically and emotionally distressing.

So, what does this mean?

It means the drug has hijacked the person’s brain. As a clinician, I often hear things like “It’s only marijuana,” “But a doctor prescribes it,” or “It’s just beer,” but when it comes to the brain, there is no “just”. It’s either hijacked, or it isn’t. The person, when it comes to drug use, is either healthy and making decisions with their master control (cortex) or unhealthy utilizing their emotional center (mid-brain). The healthy brain will eventually be able to think its way out of the use once consequences hit, while the addicted brain will continue to use. We have no idea who will become addicted and who will not, which is why using substances is a game of chance. It is important to remember that alcohol is a drug. Therefore, the vast majority of us have taken this risk.

There are factors that increase your risk of SUD, like age of onset of use, a history of trauma, genetics, etc., but it could happen to any of us. Let me say that louder for those of you in the back: THIS COULD HAPPEN TO ANY OF US! If you have had a beer with your buddies over a ball game or a glass of wine at the end of a long day, you have thrown your hat in this ring. The more we use, the more likely the brain will become addicted. How badly your brain will want the drug after you start depends on the risk factors mentioned above. This is simply biology, not a moral or ethical failing. Your loved one isn’t bad, even if they sometimes do bad things. They are a sick person with a sick brain. Science also proves that it will likely take six months to a year for the brain to heal after they have stopped using, which is a blog for another day. However, it is important to mention it here. This is why your loved one often returns to their drug, even after periods of sobriety.

Offering Support

Supporting a loved one with SUD is a challenging and emotionally draining experience. Especially if you don’t understand the science or know what helps people move toward recovery, please don’t be too hard on yourself. You don’t know what you don’t know, and nothing about this disease makes sense. When your loved one is sick, it is natural to want to wrap your love around them and do everything to make their lives easier. Most of us do this with the thought that we won’t need the substance as much if we have less stress, and often, our loved ones tell us such. Unfortunately, it seldom works out that way, and this is what our industry has traditionally referred to as “enabling.”

Enabling has, unfortunately, taken on an accusatory and negative tone. I’m here to tell you that what you have done until now is normal and natural, and you have nothing to be ashamed of, BUT has it worked? Are they getting better, or do things just seem to get worse continually? You fix one problem created by your loved one’s use, only to have a bigger one take its place? That’s because this disease will typically respond better to boundaries with consequences. This is too big a topic to get into detail in this blog; however, I have included a link to a webinar where I explain this concept in more detail:

Boundaries & Codependency For Those Affected by Substance Use Disorder Webinar by Kristin Young 

Statistically speaking, people with SUD do much better with the support of a loved one, especially if that loved one has learned about the disease. I encourage you to learn as much as possible about SUD and the different ways to manage and treat it. This is step one of becoming a solid support for your loved one.

Other Ways to Offer Support:

• Communicate Openly: Encourage open and non-judgmental communication. Let your loved one know you are there for them and willing to listen without criticism. Be patient and empathetic, as they may be dealing with shame and guilt. This is difficult for many loved ones. Make sure you are ready to hear what they have to say and have a solid support system to help you manage any difficult feelings that may arise for you.
• Avoid Stigmatizing Language: Avoid using stigmatizing language or labeling your loved one as an “addict” or “junkie.” Stigma can be a barrier to seeking help and maintaining recovery.
• Encourage Treatment: Gently encourage your loved one to seek treatment. Treatment options may include therapy, counseling, support groups, medication, or inpatient rehabilitation programs. Let them know that you will help them find the proper treatment and support their recovery journey.
• Practice Self-Care: Supporting someone with SUD can take a toll on your own mental and emotional well-being. It’s essential to prioritize self-care and seek support for yourself. Joining a support group for families of individuals with SUD can be incredibly beneficial.

Seeking Professional Help

Please understand that this part is not your job. Those of us with loved ones struggling with SUD often get to the point where we think of little else than getting our loved ones help. It can start to take over, and other areas of our lives begin to suffer. Texas Tech University did a study that showed we crave saving our loved ones in the same way they crave their substance: https://today.ttu.edu/posts/2019/04/Stories/addiction-recovery-research.

In other words, we become addicted to saving them just like they become addicted to using their drug. So, there is more science to explain why you may have done things you aren’t proud of or completely out of character. If you can relate to that, you probably have done a lot of research trying to find the perfect place that will surely save your loved one, only for them to refuse to go or go and come out only to use. So again, this part is not your job.

However, once your loved one is ready to make a change and asks for your help, I want you to have the information on seeking professional help. The more information you have, the better. The best practice would be for you to research this alongside them and assist them with a plan.

Getting Started

It’s important to start by consulting a healthcare provider, such as a family doctor or addiction specialist. They can assess the severity of the SUD and recommend appropriate treatment options.

• Consider Therapy: Individual and group therapy can be effective in addressing the underlying issues contributing to SUD. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and motivational interviewing are commonly used therapeutic approaches.
• Explore Medicating: SUD In some cases, medication may be a crucial component of treatment. This involves using medications like methadone, naltrexone, or buprenorphine to help manage cravings and withdrawal symptoms.
• Support Groups: Encourage your loved one to participate in support groups like Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), Narcotics Anonymous (NA), Smart Recovery, etc. These groups provide a sense of community and understanding.
• Inpatient or Outpatient Rehabilitation: Depending on the severity of the SUD, inpatient or outpatient rehabilitation programs may be recommended. These programs offer structured treatment and support. 
  
• Dual Diagnosis Treatment: If your loved one has a co-occurring mental health disorder, it’s essential to find a treatment program that simultaneously addresses both the SUD and the mental health issue. 
  

Finding Hope and Healing

Recovery is a journey, not a destination; you and your loved one will have your personal recovery journeys. In most cases, your journey will start before theirs, and theirs may come from your work. Regardless, neither of you will wake up and be “in Recovery.” Instead, it is an active process that often involves setbacks and progress. Don’t lose hope! I’m here to tell you that individuals and families do it every day. Some of the best people I know are in long-term recovery. They lead incredible and fulfilling lives born out of the darkness of addiction.

Here are some ways to find hope and healing when it feels overwhelming and impossible.

• Celebrate Milestones: Recognize and celebrate even small achievements and milestones in your loved one’s recovery journey. Each day without substance use is a step in the right direction.
• Stay Informed: Continue to educate yourself about SUD and recovery. Understanding the challenges and successes can help you provide better support.
• Practice Patience: Recovery is not linear, and there may be setbacks. In fact, there probably will be. It’s essential to remain patient and supportive, and even more essential to have your own support system during these times. A reoccurrence of use does not mean failure; it can sometimes be a part of the recovery process.
• Maintain Boundaries: As your loved one progresses in their recovery, maintaining healthy boundaries is still important. Recovery is an ongoing process; boundaries help you and your loved one stay safe.
• Seek Support: It is imperative that you seek support for yourself. Joining a support group for families of individuals with SUD can provide a safe space to share experiences coping strategies, and to feel less alone. A personal therapist for yourself is also crucial. You need a space to process and develop your self-care plan.
• Encourage Self-Care: Encourage your loved one to prioritize self-care, including physical and emotional well-being. Healthy lifestyle choices can support their recovery.
• Stay Hopeful: Remember that recovery is possible, and many individuals with SUD go on to lead fulfilling and meaningful lives in recovery. When you feel hopeless, reach out to your support system and let them carry the hope for you.  

In conclusion, supporting a loved one with Substance Use Disorder is a challenging journey that requires understanding, compassion, and patience. Educating yourself about SUD, offering support, seeking professional help for you and your loved one, and finding hope and healing can be a crucial part of your loved one’s recovery process. Remember that you are not alone in this journey, and resources and support networks are available to help you and your loved one overcome the challenges of SUD. Recovery is possible, and with love and support, healing can occur.

Herren Project is a national nonprofit organization providing free resources and support for the recovery and prevention of addiction. Herren Project provides 26 online family support groups and 15-minute phone consultations with licensed clinicians. Herren Project’s recovery team is also available to help a loved one ready to take the first step towards recovery through support and help in finding quality treatment providers. Check out all our resources at www.herrenproject.org.

More resources and information:

https://www.samhsa.gov/families#:~:text=Need%20Help%3F,FindTreatment.gov%20to%20get%20help.